Last week, on The Blended Saga: Zasu's lover has awakened from his coma, but has total amnesia. Zola is still enjoying her new riches, but hired a PI to find some information about her missing friend. The white disk is actively recruiting followers.
Letting her mind go still, she tried to grab the thought, the idea, the memory, the...oh whatever it was that had been plaguing her for days! The back of her neck prickled; whatever it was, was not going away, but getting stronger. She could almost see a hazy cloud surrounding her, muffling her aura so that she could hardly breathe at times. Yet whatever it was, would not crystallize and appear to her.
That night, she dreamt of tarot cards, floating everywhere, circling around her, passing and disappearing before her eyes. She knew she dreamt this because when she awoke she remembered her dream, something she hadn’t done for weeks. And she still remembered it an hour later - most unusual. She hadn’t done a tarot reading in years, why was she dreaming about the cards now? Pondering this as she walked through the woods with Toto, she thought that she might as well do a reading. She found a decent Tarot deck on the marketplace, and headed for home.
Her reading area would do nicely, and no pun intended she laughed to herself. Bringing a small table in next to her favorite chair, she began quietly shuffling the cards, letting her mind relax, appreciating the feel of the cards in her hands. She decided to start with a general reading, a universal 6 card spread, hoping it would point her in the direction she needed to go. Randomly she chose the cards from the deck, laying them out one by one.
The first card would tell how she felt about herself, and when she saw The Fool, she groaned, as The Fool in the first position could mean she was asking the wrong question. But I don’t even HAVE a question yet, she thought bitterly. The second card would tell her what she wanted most right now. Hesitantly she turned it over - The Devil stared at her. Instinctively she inhaled sharply, then calmed herself and thought about it. Was this about her absent lover, about her desire for a relationship with him? Or was it warning her about obsessing over him? She would have to continue on to find out.
Card three was about her fears, and when The Lovers appeared, she knew that whatever had been eluding her, WAS about him. She’d been trying to let him go (it seemed the only reasonable thing to do), and in the trying, had been avoiding her true feelings of loss and abandonment. Still not sure about The Devil’s meaning, she turned over the fourth card, which would tell her about the positive things in her life that would help her.
The Empress. Tears came to her eyes, and without thinking her hand went to her belly, cradling the new life there. She’d resolved to keep this child even if it meant being a single mother, and to see The Empress in such a positive place released fears she didn’t know she’d had. She cried quietly for awhile, letting go of all the negative emotions, and when she felt ready, she turned over the fifth card. The Star! Was self-doubt the only thing she had to worry about? Or did it have to do with her loss of trust in him, the natural result of his leaving her without a word.
The last card would tell the outcome, and The Wheel of Fortune was a welcome sight.
Representing a new cycle in life, with good luck and fortune awaiting her, she now felt sure that her decision to keep her baby was the right one.
What was still unclear to her, however, was his role in her life. Would he have one? Was that the question she should be asking? She elected to do a sign post reading, pulling one card only from the deck, to answer this one question. Reshuffling, she fanned out the cards, and carefully drew one. Her hand trembled as she turned it over - The Emperor.....she sobbed in relief. He must be coming back to her! He was the only man in her life, there was no other explanation for this card, this question.
She sat there for a long while, making an effort to absorb the meaning of the cards, trying not to infuse her own desires into the reading. Slowly she realized that the elusive idea she’d been trying to corral was this: he would not have stayed away this long, without talking to her, unless he was unable to reach her. Every cell in her body knew this. She’d been so caught up in her own hurt and anger, she’d forgotten this essential truth about him. Well then. Time to search.